I have been asking myself what are some of the reasons people who had started to write with such enthusiasm quit writing a memoir and how I can help them persevere—and more importantly: how they can help themselves.

The answers to why people quit are so varied!

Below is a list compiled from my experience with individuals who have begun working with me and then stopped writing.

The list contains both very solid reasons and some that seem simply evasive.

If you find yourself harboring feelings that might trigger quitting, I hope you will address them before they take hold of you. I offer suggestions for counteractions!

(Don’t forget to take the poll at the end.)

Reasons people quit writing a memoir

1. Some people have arrived at the catharsis they were seeking from memoir writing. Lifewriting is always therapeutic. These people have started to write to heal. They are not driven by the need to create but to heal. Once the healing occurs, the impulse to write no longer has power over them. This seems a valid reason to stop writing. As a coach, I have often found myself asking questions that help produce insights for these writers.

Action Step: Give yourself a tap on the back for not pursuing a line of action that has lost its raison d’être. You have made a wise decision.

2. They just want to tell their story and not necessarily learn to be a writer. They are writing for family. They are impatient with learning techniques. They find it too hard to learn to be a better writer, and it does not seem necessary. This can be quite successful if they write to the end of their story. These people don’t need to rewrite or polish their stories. While second and third draft writing can be good, it is also beyond the telling that has brought these people to writing for family and friends who will be forgiving.

Action Step: You can bypass developmental editing but be sure to get some proofreading for your story. Your family and friends love you, but don’t overtax their affection!

3. Some writers simply cannot afford coaching/editing and don’t feel they can continue without it. My experience is that without some guidance, writing a memoir that is beyond journaling may be beyond what some people can achieve on their own. I can certainly understand the process is expensive.

Action Step: Look for writing groups to help you. Bulletin board notices at senior centers and libraries can ferret out other writers. There are also many online groups.

4. Another group of people have learned sufficient skills to go on by themselves. They don’t have a public ambition for their book and are probably right that they can now finish it on their own. They are, after all, writing for family and friends—and this audience is generally forgiving.

Action Step: Find some proofreading for your story.

5. Some writers have lost faith in their mission to tell their story. What had once seemed important and consequential now seems trivial and unimportant. Why continue!

Action Step: I would ask these people to explore what brought them to memoir writing in the first place. This reason is probably still valid, and they will likely not be satisfied until they respond to that need. Coaching can be a great tool for these people. Alternatively, if the reason does not seem valid, the writer may have been coerced into writing a memoir to meet someone else’s need.

6. Some writers only wanted to hear that their story was wonderful and felt the thoughtful critiques they received require too much work to follow up on. In fact, they are expecting a call from the Nobel Committee any minute now to award them this year’s literature prize! I often find that these people have worked with another memoir professional who, they tell me, was just simply awful. I suspect that that is how they will describe me, too, to their next coach and to the one after that. These people are not fun to work with!

Action Step: Goodbye, good luck and stay close to your phone.

7. People started to write at the wrong time in their lives—perhaps they are too young to have a purchase on the story or they are too busy raising a family. Memoir writing is very demanding. Writing in bits and snatches will end up being discouraging for most people.

Action Step: Keep a journal and/or write snippets of memoir whenever you can. The flame is alive, and you need to blow on it ever so gently to keep it from dying out.

8. Some people started too late in life and now realize they do not have the energy to devote to the story. While this is not true for everyone, the mid-eighties seems to be a cut-off point. That said, I had three very energetic clients in their nineties! They were impressive men. One man at 94 said to me one day, “I’ve just finished my ten-year plan!” Now that’s a man I want to model myself on! An alternative that may appeal to people with less energy is to work with a ghostwriter.

Action Step: Age is real. Assess your energy level. There is nothing wrong in admitting you are not up to the task. Can you record stories orally? MP3s make excellent gifts.

9. Some writers realize they need to get into active psychological therapy before tackling the memoir. Too many overpowering memories! In many cases, the need is not for memoir writing but for counseling. While memoir writing is always therapeutic, it is not therapy.

Acton Step: Come back to memoir writing after you have finished your therapy.

10. There are those writers who are intimidated by published memoirs and despair of ever being “good enough.” But, to these writers, I say to submit to the process and enjoy it for the pleasure it can bring. Are you going to eschew swimming because you suspect you will never be as good as Michael Phelps? Or ought you to stay away from tennis because you know you are not a Serena Williams in the making? I hope not! So why would you stay away from writing just because you are afraid you will not be Pulitzer Prize material!

Action Step: Find a coach you can work with. Perfectionists are often successful working with a coach to tame their perfectionism.

11. Some writers have negative self-concepts and don’t believe they deserve to tell their story. To them I say, immerse yourself in writing and see your story emerge. A wonderful feature of memoir writing is that you become the observer of your story. Therapists work this way: they observe your story without casting judgment. That is healing and so will your writing be without judgment. Give this a try. I guarantee it works!

Action Step: As I have mentioned in a recent post, working at an art form is always transformative. A coach can help these writers to persevere and produce. Commit to not evaluating your writing.

12. Other people lack the discipline necessary to write a memoir and enjoy telling their stories to their coach but being asked to “WRITE!” that seemed too hard. Perhaps these people are oral storytellers and like Samuel Johnson, they need a Boswellian ghostwriter.Action Step: The Memoir Network can offer these people ghostwriting.

In conclusion to 12 reasons people quit writing a memoir

To find help to finish writing your memoir, go to Write to the End, and use coupon code WTTE25 to save 25%

Stopping to write can be a good decision, but it is also frequently a bad one.

Before you throw in the towel, be sure your reasons to quit writing a memoir are supporting your life energy and not evading it.

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And you, which of these reasons have you faced and resolved? Leave a comment.