I have been asking myself what are the reasons people quit writing a memoir and how to help them persevere. I have drawn the following list from my experience with the people who have begun to work with me and then stopped writing.

The answers to why people quit are so varied! Here are some I have come up with as I have pondered the topic. Below is a list that contains both very valid reasons and some that I consider simply wimpy. If you find yourself harboring feelings that I bring up as triggers for quitting, I hope you will address them before they take hold of you.

Reasons people quit writing a memoir

1. Some people have arrived at the catharsis they were seeking from memoir writing. Lifewriting is always therapeutic. These people have started to write to heal. They are not driven by the need to create but to heal. Once the healing occurs the writing no longer has power over them. This seems a valid reason to stop writing. As a coach, I have often found myself asking questions that help produce insights for these writers. 
2. They just want to tell their story and not necessarily learn to be a writer. They are impatient with learning techniques. They find it is too hard to learn to be a better writer. This can be quite successful if they write to the end of their story. These people don’t need to rewrite or polish their stories. While second and third draft writing can be good, it is also beyond the telling that has brought these people to writing.
3. Some writers simply cannot afford coaching/editing and don’t feel they can continue without it. My experience is that without some guidance, writing a memoir that is beyond journaling may be beyond what some people can achieve on their own. I can certainly understand the process is expensive, and recommend these people look for writing groups to help them. Bulletin board notices at senior centers and libraries can ferret out other writers.
4. Some people have learned sufficient skills to go on by themselves. They don’t have a public ambition for their book and are probably right that they can now finish it on their own. They are, after all, writing for family and friends—and this audience is generally forgiving.
5. They have lost faith in their mission to tell this story. What had once seemed important and consequential now seems trivial and unimportant. Why continue! I would ask these people to explore what brought them to memoir writing in the first place. This reason is probably still valid and they will likely not be satisfied until they respond to that need. Coaching can be a great tool for these people.
6. Some writers only wanted to hear that their story was wonderful and felt the critique they received was crazy. In fact, they are expecting a call from the Nobel Committee any minute now to award them that year’s literature prize! I often find that these people have worked with another memoir professional who, they tell me, was just simply awful. I suspect that that is how they will describe me too to their next coach and to the one after that. These people are not fun to work with!
7. People started to write at the wrong time in their lives—perhaps they are too young to have a purchase on the story or they are too busy raising a family. Memoir writing is very demanding. Writing in bits and snatches will end up being discouraging for most people. Nonetheless, I would suggest these people keep a journal and/or write snippets of memoir whenever they can. The flame is alive and they need to blow on it ever so gently to keep it from dying out.
8. Some people started too late in life and now realize they do not have the energy to devote to the story. While this is not true for everyone, the mid-eighties seems to be a cutting off point. That said, I had three very energetic clients in their nineties! They were impressive men. One man at 94 said to me one day, “I’ve just finished my ten-year plan!” Now that’s a man I want to model myself on! An alternative that may appeal to people with less energy is to work with a ghostwriter.
9. Some writers realize they need to get into active psychological therapy before tackling the memoir. Too many overpowering memories. In many cases, the need is not for memoir writing but for counseling. While memoir writing is always therapeutic, it is not therapy.
10. There are those writers who are intimidated by published memoirs and despair of ever being “good enough.” But, to these writers, I say to submit to the process and enjoy it for the pleasure it can bring. Are you going to eschew swimming because you suspect you will never be as good as Michael Phelps? Or ought you to stay away from tennis because you know you are not a Serena Williams in the making? I hope not! So why would you stay away from writing just because you are afraid you will not be Pulitzer Prize material! These people are often successful working with a coach.
11. Some writers have negative self-concepts and don’t believe they deserve to tell their story. To them I say, immerse yourself in writing and see your story emerge. A wonderful feature of memoir writing is that you become the observer of your story. Therapists work this way: they observe your story without casting judgment. That is healing and so will your writing be without judgment. Give this a try. I guarantee it works! As I have mentioned in a recent post, working at an art form is always transformative. A coach can help these writers to persevere and produce.
12. Other people lack the discipline necessary to write a memoir and enjoyed telling their stories to their coach but being asked to WRITE!, that seemed too hard. Perhaps these people are oral storytellers and like Samuel Johnson, they need a Boswellian ghostwriter. The Memoir Network can offer these people ghostwriting.

In conclusion to reasons people quit writing a memoir

Stopping to write can be a good decision but it is also frequently a bad one.

Before you throw in the towel, be sure your reasons to quit writing a memoir are supporting your life energy and not evading it.

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