You start with a burst of writing motivation. You are super energized! You have the best motivation for writing—ever!
“By gosh, this memoir is going to get written and it’s going to be good!” you tell yourself. And the writing flows for the first while. Your energy remains high. You write regularly and you think about how to make your memoir better and better. At last, you feel like you are a “real writer!”
Then, you stall.
A day—or two or three—goes by without any writing. Then that “not writing” repeats itself the next week.
“But that’s ok,” you tell yourself. “I’m just taking a few days off.” But…
The few days off eventually become many days off, and the memoir begins to seem a bit less interesting.
You realize you aren’t making much progress. You may even be losing the feel of what you were creating. Your commitment for writing your memoir is on the wane. You may ask yourself…
“Is this really worth my time to write?”
You have entered a dangerous path! It leads to quitting. Your motivation for writing your memoir is wavering. It is at risk of disappearing.
Don’t go down that way—at least for long!
If you want to renew your motivation for writing
Below are articles whose goal is to help you to sustain your motivation for writing your memoir for the long run of creating a memoir.
No one said it was going to be easy—just that you can do it. The fact is…
Many people just like you have written interesting and meaningful memoirs and so can you.
In conclusion
Keep your motivation for writing strong!
[watch this video for motivation to write your memoir]
Writing with passion! How to Bring Passion into Your Story
Why does what you want to write become so difficult to do the moment you sit down to write a memoir? Where are the words you need to convey the excitement or the dread or the anticipation of your life experience? After writing a while, you are shocked to realize that what appears on the computer screen has no pizzazz! This drivel is not what you had in mind when you thought with excitement of writing your memoir. So why is writing with passion so hard sometimes? [Free Membership required to read more. See below. ]
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What is Your Memoir’s “BIG WHY”
What is your memoir’s BIG WHY? Without a BIG WHY, your memoir will not shine. You story will be smaller than it needs to be.
As I interview prospective clients for coaching—something I do often, I listen to why their reasons to write a memoir. Many do not yet have a compelling reason to write their memoir, a pushy “why.” I strongly suspect they will not continue into coaching or editing—and may not finish their memoir at all.
What is your memoir’s BIG WHY?
Yes, there is something that has urged them to be in touch with me, but that presenting reason, I sense, is not yet gnawing at their consciousness, boring into them until they have to give in to it, causing non-writing to be more painful than writing. These people will “try to write” a memoir, but I sense they are not committed.
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12 Reasons People Quit Writing a Memoir
I have been asking myself what are the reasons people quit writing a memoir and how to help them persevere. I have drawn the following list from my experience with the people who have begun to work with me and then stopped writing.
The answers to why people quit are so varied! Here are some I have come up with as I have pondered the topic. Below is a list that contains both very valid reasons and some that I consider simply wimpy. If you find yourself harboring feelings that I bring up as triggers for quitting, I hope you will address them before they take hold of you.
Reasons people quit writing a memoir
- Some people have arrived at the catharsis they were seeking from memoir writing. Lifewriting is always therapeutic. These people have started to write to heal. They are not driven by the need to create but to heal. Once the healing occurs the writing no longer has power over them. This seems a valid reason to stop writing. As a coach, I have often found myself asking questions that help produce insights for these writers.
- They just want to tell their story and not necessarily learn to be a writer. They are impatient with learning techniques. They find it is too hard to learn to be a better writer. This can be quite successful if they write to the end of their story. These people don’t need to rewrite or polish their stories. While second and third draft writing can be good, it is also beyond the telling that has brought these people to writing.
- Some writers simply cannot afford coaching/editing and don’t feel they can continue without it. My experience is that without some guidance, writing a memoir that is beyond journaling may be beyond what some people can achieve on their own. I can certainly understand the process is expensive, and recommend these people look for writing groups to help them. Bulletin board notices at senior centers and libraries can ferret out other writers.
- Some people have learned sufficient skills to go on by themselves. They don’t have a public ambition for their book and are probably right that they can now finish it on their own. They are, after all, writing for family and friends—and this audience is generally forgiving.
- They have lost faith in their mission to tell this story. What had once seemed important and consequential now seems trivial and unimportant. Why continue! I would ask these people to explore what brought them to memoir writing in the first place. This reason is probably still valid and they will likely not be satisfied until they respond to that need. Coaching can be a great tool for these people.
- Some writers only wanted to hear that their story was wonderful and felt the critique they received was crazy. In fact, they are expecting a call from the Nobel Committee any minute now to award them that year’s literature prize! I often find that these people have worked with another memoir professional who, they tell me, was just simply awful. I suspect that that is how they will describe me too to their next coach and to the one after that. These people are not fun to work with!
- People started to write at the wrong time in their lives—perhaps they are too young to have a purchase on the story or they are too busy raising a family. Memoir writing is very demanding. Writing in bits and snatches will end up being discouraging for most people. Nonetheless, I would suggest these people keep a journal and/or write snippets of memoir whenever they can. The flame is alive and they need to blow on it ever so gently to keep it from dying out.
- Some people started too late in life and now realize they do not have the energy to devote to the story. While this is not true for everyone, the mid-eighties seems to be a cutting off point. That said, I had three very energetic clients in their nineties! They were impressive men. One man at 94 said to me one day, “I’ve just finished my ten-year plan!” Now that’s a man I want to model myself on! An alternative that may appeal to people with less energy is to work with a ghostwriter.
- Some writers realize they need to get into active psychological therapy before tackling the memoir. Too many overpowering memories. In many cases, the need is not for memoir writing but for counseling. While memoir writing is always therapeutic, it is not therapy.
- There are those writers who are intimidated by published memoirs and despair of ever being “good enough.” But, to these writers, I say to submit to the process and enjoy it for the pleasure it can bring. Are you going to eschew swimming because you suspect you will never be as good as Michael Phelps? Or ought you to stay away from tennis because you know you are not a Serena Williams in the making? I hope not! So why would you stay away from writing just because you are afraid you will not be Pulitzer Prize material! These people are often successful working with a coach.
- Some writers have negative self-concepts and don’t believe they deserve to tell their story. To them I say, immerse yourself in writing and see your story emerge. A wonderful feature of memoir writing is that you become the observer of your story. Therapists work this way: they observe your story without casting judgment. That is healing and so will your writing be without judgment. Give this a try. I guarantee it works! As I have mentioned in a recent post, working at an art form is always transformative. A coach can help these writers to persevere and produce.
- Other people lack the discipline necessary to write a memoir and enjoyed telling their stories to their coach but being asked to WRITE!, that seemed too hard. Perhaps these people are oral storytellers and like Samuel Johnson, they need a Boswellian ghostwriter. The Memoir Network can offer these people ghostwriting.
In conclusion to reasons people quit writing a memoir
Stopping to write can be a good decision but it is also frequently a bad one.
Before you throw in the towel, be sure your reasons to quit writing a memoir are supporting your life energy and not evading it.
If you wish to view this post as a video, click here.
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Writing Memoir Is Not Easy
When you’re writing memoir, the project typically starts with a burst of energy. “This is going to be a good piece of writing! What am I saying, ‘good?’
“It’s going to be great!”
So we write for a month or two or even three and the energy remains strong but…
There comes a day when the demon that plagues all writers raises its ugly head and snaps at you.
“What in the world were you thinking of committing yourself to writing this horribly insignificant piece! And worse yet, what were you thinking of alerting other people that you were writing a memoir? Now, they’re going to expect something and you’re about to make a fool of yourself!”
Or, something equally terrible and intimidating goes through your mind. When that happens, what do you do?
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Successful Memoir Writing – Tips to Help You Write
Successful Memoir Writing – Recently, someone asked me what are the biggest barriers memoir writers face to being successful. Three came to mind right away.
Who Cares About My Memoir?
Have you ever asked, “Who cares about my memoir?” Certainly, a lot of people have!
A perennial, and perhaps inherent, challenge every memoir writer faces is that of audience. Specifically, every writer is saddled with the incapacitating doubt that there is an audience for his/her memoir.
“Who will want to read my memoir? Who cares about my memoir?” asked enough times can bring your writing to a halt.
Of course, it’s a good question. Who will want to read about someone else’s life or even—horrors!—MY life.
“But,” you gasp, “isn’t that what a memoir is—the story of my life? What’s the point of writing if no one is interested?”
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What Motivates Me to Write?
The simplest answer to what motivates me to write is that I’ve always loved to write, and lacking the creativity to write fiction or the tenacity to research subjects for non-fiction, I write about what I know, my life. I love memoir.
If I look beyond my lack of creativity, I see writing memoir feeds a certain voyeurism. I’ve always been fascinated by letters and the glimpse they provide into other people’s lives. I’ve never been able to resist an epistolary book, fiction or non-, and I’ve come to realize that many of the memoir pieces I’ve written are basically letters to myself, or to the family that comes after me. I love reading letters, so I write them. [Free Membership required to read more. See below. ]
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Why I’m Motivated to Write My Memoir? This is how I process life.
I’ve been reflecting on why I’m motivated to write my memoir and realize that I come back to my writing every day because I cannot stay away. It is how I process life. Writing helps me understand what has happened and how I feel about it. My dad’s Norwegian stoicism and our family’s isolation caused by his alcoholism prevented much communication with anybody, in or out of the family. I turned to writing to “talk” to someone. I wrote letters to any relatives and pen pals who would write back, and who I felt were my friends.
As I now write my memoirs, every memory I write about teaches me something new about myself and how I’ve become the person I am. When I started my memoir, I began to forgive myself for self-defeating behaviors I could not overcome. Re-living events buried for years has brought tears, but it has helped me let go and be a less fearful, ashamed, and workaholic person. Writing is the best thing I do for myself.
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What Motivates You to Write a Memoir? Joe Skinkis shares his reason
D: What motivates you to write a memoir? I asked Joe Skinkis. Here he shares how his many life experiences have impelled him to write his life stories.
I am a 75-year-old man who lives in Thailand with my 30-year-old wife. One day, we may have a child. I would like to have my child learn from my mistakes and to glean the positive aspects of my experience. [Free Membership required to read more. See below. ]