This may sound like a trick question, but it’s not. In fact, “who is your memoir narrator?” is a very serious question that will determine—or at least greatly influence—the tone and the theme of your narrative and how your reader views your story as being truthful.

Your choice of memoir narrator and the consequences of this choice.

The memoir narrator provides the “voice” in which you tell your story. You have many choices as to which voice, or sensibility, you will use. These form your narrator personas. Voices or personas are not equally good. Some contribute to your memoir’s theme and some work against it.

Perhaps your instinct is to reply, “But, I’m the narrator!” Please stay with me here. The concept of who is your memoir narrator is more sophisticated than “I’m the narrator,” and your choice of narrating voice can either float or sink your memoir.

Personas Vying for Dominance

We’ve all had the experience of the various parts of ourselves, our personas, in internal debate. For instance, a friend asks you to go someplace. One part of you thinks, “Sure!” That’s probably the fun-loving part. Another part—a responsible part—responds quickly, “Wait a minute. You still have yard work to do. You should get it done!” Still another critical part insists, “Oh, don’t be such a pill. You only live once.” To which another reasonable persona answers, “Yeah, and do you want to live it with a messy yard!”

As you write your memoir, you will experience many parts vying for dominance, each insisting on setting the tone and theme of your story. Which narrator persona is going to prevail—or, more accurately, who is your memoir narrator, which “you” is going to let prevail? Which voice tells your story accurately and which will carry the reader to the conclusion you wish the reader to have?

Will the persona you choose be the hero? (“I survived against great odds!”) Or, the martyr? (“Life was really hard, and I just did my best!”) Or, perhaps it’s the saint? (“I just did the whole thing because I loved my family so much!”) Or, the fighter who takes on city hall? (“Nobody was going to tell me I couldn’t get my way!”) Or perhaps the vindictive persona (“She was such a witch!”)

Obviously, the martyr narrator will give a different slant to your story than will the hero part and perhaps the martyr might even choose completely different stories to write about than the vindictive narrator persona.

Choose Carefully

Which part you allow to be the narrative voice of your story will shape the message, or theme, you ultimately make—and it’s completely up to you to decide!

What is important is that you choose the narrative voice—the “who is telling this story”—that will most contribute to your story. It will make all the difference to the reader.

Let me give an example: If your theme is to show how forgiveness is important in life, then choosing a cynical, sarcastic narrator will work against achieving your goal. Your narrator voice has to be accepting and generous.

Think of your inner sphere of parts as a kingdom with warring knights. In the end, it’s not the warring knights who must make decisions on a course of action. That function belongs to the king or queen.

When you decide on the appropriate narrative voice for your story, you are acting as the sovereign of your writing experience.

The you in the present—the writer who is right now writing—can be angry, righteous, understanding, impatient, intellectual, crass, or you can appropriate yet another persona from which to narrate your memoir, but I believe most readers want the narrator in the present—the writer who is right now writing —to be an adult who may have all sorts of feelings but is aware of them and owns them in the memoir and does not force them on the reader.

Who is Your Narrator: the Adult!

In short, the persona of the adult king or queen has to be the choice of the narrator, the “you” who are the writer in the present. The narrator cannot be one of the warring factions.

While the “you” who is a character in your memoir—the younger you of 20, 30, 40 years ago—can be any of the above parts (angry, righteous, impatient, etc.)—you were after all subject to many vicissitudes—the reader expects the narrator of the present—the writer—to be an adult who tells a story with some dispassion and understanding, tells it as fairly as possible to both his younger self and to the other characters in the memoir.

A Memoir is Not Public Therapy

The adult narrator has already worked through the issues. In short, while the character of your memoir can be as childish or as vindictive as anything else that is true of the past, the reader expects the writer in the present to beyond this. The reader expects the writer to be an adult.

If you find yourself still caught in a persona that is manipulative or out for revenge or whatever that may get in the way, put your memoir aside and work on your attitude.

You are not ready to write a memoir. While writing a memoir is therapeutic it is not meant to be pubic therapy.

In conclusion to “Who is your memoir narrator?”

If you would also like to listen to this blog post as a video, click here

Before you go, here’s a bonus: a link to our video Ouch! Writing Painful Memories. It will help you to write your memoir.

Remember: “Inch by inch, it’s a cinch; yard by yard it’s hard.”

Good luck writing your stories!