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How do you write about family stories whose interpretation you don’t agree with?

We all have family stories that we have heard over and over again. When they are told in family gatherings, no one expects any contradiction. After all, the stories are the accepted “truth” about someone in the family. The problem is that you don’t agree with the meaning people ascribe to it.

How do you write about these family stories you don’t agree with? There’s no problem when you are in agreement with the storyline and the interpretation, but what do you do when you are not—especially what do you do when you are out of sync with other relatives in the way you interpret the story?

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Family myths aren’t always true. Your family myths may be stories your people choose to tell about themselves regardless of what really happened. What are myths? Myths are stories we tell about how the world seems to us to be organized. Most of us are familiar with the religious myths Greeks and Romans told as they sought to explain their world. These have survived as labels for archetypes and psychological energies—and for naming running shoes and submarines. The myths we tell are so powerful that we see them as true while we often call the myths others tell made-up stories. (more…)

Why let writer’s block stop you?

“What can I do about writer’s block?” I am asked regularly by stumped writers.

“Pretty much the same as a plumber does with a plumber’s block,” I’ll respond.

People twitter at this reply. Perhaps it’s because they take my response to their writer’s block question for a joke and they’re anticipating a good punch line.

But, this is no joke. (more…)

Make Writing Your Memoir Less Daunting

Writing your memoir does not have to be an intimidating task. Envisioning your autobiography as a series of stories makes the sizable task of writing the stories of a lifetime tolerable and ultimately enjoyable. Lifestories, written singly just as they are told, one by one, add up—sometimes effortlessly—to a memoir.

Whenever I have written a book, I have written it several pages at a time. Were I to ask a beginning writer, “can you produce a 140-page story for me?” most would blanch and then protest, “I can’t write that much!” When I ask people if they can write a 3-, 4-, 5- or even 7-page story, most will answer, “Sure I can do that.” (more…)

Writing a memoir is not easy. As I have written so many times—no one has ever promised it would be. This is especially trying when you don’t feel like writing. Au contraire…

Memoir writing can be difficult. Among the biggest of the difficulties is discouragement. How easy is it to write when you don’t feel like it and are sure you are producing junk words? In case you haven’t guessed (but I’m sure you have been there done that)… (more…)

Cliches and Stereotypes

Don’t devalue your characters by using cliches and stereotypes. This will undermine the unique and personal feel of your memoir. Cliches and stereotypes place people in categories. As short-hand ways of writing and speaking, they reflect ready-made thoughts and adversely affect the ways we relate to our families and friends as unique individuals.

  • “She was a mother-hen; You know how mothers are!”
  • “My father had a heart of gold.”
  • “Those were beautiful days when we were happy.”

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At age 54, I wrote the first 56,500 words of my first memoir draft of my book, Showbiz Survival Memoir.

It was cathartic writing a first memoir draft and getting it out of me. Honestly, it was a bit grueling though, — emotionally and even physically — to relive some of the most painful times in my life. (more…)

There is a rich lode of stories that you can tap into quickly both for their historical content and for what they tell you about how members of your family wanted their young to be. These are “family stories.” (more…)

When you are writing a first draft: nothing can rightly be called a first unless there is a second. First grade implies second grade; first class implies second class; first book implies (we hope) second book, a first draft implies a second draft.

That is why first drafts are called first drafts. A writer must expect to write a second draft, and a third even. No one can sit down and churn out countless pages of prose that don’t need rewriting. Jack Kerouac claimed he did it with On the Road, but we know now that he was stretching the truth. (more…)

family stories you don't agree with

Writing About Family Stories You Don’t Agree With

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How do you write about family stories whose interpretation you don’t agree with? We may all have family stories that we feel are wrongly told. When you distort your insights in order not to contradict other people’s take on your story—to “make nice,” your readers will sense that something is wrong. (more…)

family myths

Going Beyond Family Myths to What Really Happened

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Family myths aren’t always true. Your family myths may be stories your people choose to tell about themselves regardless of what really happened. Myths are stories we tell about how the world seems to us to be organized. Most of us are familiar with the religious myths Greeks and Romans told as they sought to […]

First paragraph

An Effective Strategy to Work Through Writer’s Block

By

“What can I do about writer’s block?” I am asked regularly by stumped writers. “Pretty much the same as plumber does with a plumber’s block,” I’ll respond. People twitter at this reply. Perhaps it’s because they take my response to their writer’s block question for a joke and they’re anticipating a good punch line. But, […]

writing your memoir

Writing Your Memoir One Story at a Time—It Adds Up

By

Memoir writing does not have to be an intimidating task. Envisioning your autobiography as a series of stories makes the sizable task of writing the stories of a lifetime tolerable and ultimately enjoyable. Lifestories, written singly just as they are told, one by one, add up to a memoir. (more…)

don't feel like writing

Writing When You Don’t Feel Like Writing

By

What to do when you don’t feel like writing? Writing a memoir is not easy. As I have written so many times—no one has ever promised it would be. Au contraire… Memoir writing can be difficult. Among the biggest of the difficulties is discouragement. How easy is it to write when you don’t feel like […]

Pathway to memoir writing

Don’t De-value Your Characters by Using Cliches and Stereotypes

By

Don’t devalue your characters by using cliches and stereotypes. This will undermine the unique and personal feel of your memoir. Cliches and stereotypes place people in categories. As short-hand ways of writing and speaking, they reflect ready-made thoughts and adversely affect the ways we relate to our families and friends as unique individuals. (more…)

my first memoir draft

Writing a First Memoir Draft Was Daunting

By

At age 54, I wrote the first 56,500 words of the first draft of my Showbiz Survival Memoir. It was cathartic getting the first draft up and out of me. Honestly, it was a bit grueling though, — emotionally and even physically — to relive some of the most painful times in my life. (more…)

family stories

Mine Your Family Stories

By

There is a rich lode of stories that you can tap into quickly both for their historical content and for what they tell you about how members of your family wanted their young to be. These are “family stories.” (more…)

writing a first draft

Writing a First Draft: Why They’re Called “First”

By

Nothing can rightly be called a first unless there is a second. That is why first drafts are called first drafts. A writer must expect to write a second draft, and a third even. No one can sit down and churn out countless pages of prose that don’t need rewriting. Jack Kerouac claimed he did […]