To tell the truth in a memoir may seem simple, but in practice it is almost never so.
It is, first of all, not clear what the truth may be: yours or someone else’s? Then also, the truth may be submerged beneath layers of pain that can prompt you to hide it from everyone—and yourself.
The easy truth is —well—easy! The hard truth isn’t.
When I suggest you must tell the truth, I don’t mean the easy truth like “I had a brother and a sister,” but the hard truth that makes you flinch, a truth like “my mother disliked her kids—especially me” or “I was abused as a child.”
While not everyone has painful memories that are difficult to share, many people do. If this is you, I think you know what your hard truth is. Consider those aspects of your life you don’t particularly feel like sharing. That is, those are hard to share, but when you tell the truth of those memories, you are likely to feel so much better later and to have produced a much better memoir.
Truth and Pain
When you tell the truth, you may find yourself immersed in pain. Perhaps you need to read the posts of dealing with pain in memoir writing. I do not believe that you need to hurt yourself when you tell the truth but you must learn to own your life experience and to be honest about it.
What I have found in my workshops is that other writers almost always pick up when a writer has decided not to tell the truth and writes inaccuracies or “whitewashing” into a text. It somehow stands out… so don’t do it. You won’t get away with it. Most readers will sense there is a problem—even if they don’t know what it is.
In conclusion
If you avoid telling the truth, you may have an easier time in the writing but you won’t be satisfied in the end with the memoir you have written.
Read the posts below, learn some useful techniques and be brave about telling it like it was.
Only Telling the Truth in Your Memoir Will Set You Free
I urge all readers to commit to telling the truth—100% of it—in their memoir. It’s the only way you will get to the truth—and as they say, the telling the truth will set you free.
“Making Nice” Will Trip You Up
You can always tell the story in the “official” version, but you will be at odds to tell the story well. When you distort your insights in order not to contradict other people’s take on your story, your readers will sense that something is wrong.
Truth in Your Memoir – Three Tips For Including Safe “Guess-timates”
When writing a memoir or family history, you will inevitably come across bits of information that you want to include, but which you cannot verify…
2 Causes of Memoir Writer’s Block: Not Telling the Truth or Writing Unimportant Material
Many writers suffer from writer’s block, yet few understand—and much less resolve—its possible causes. There are a number of reasons that contribute to difficulty—especially blockage—in writing. In memoir writing, the infamous “writer’s block” can result from avoidance—that is, you don’t want to deal with uncomfortable material and so you “block.”
Not Telling the Truth in a Memoir Can Stop Your Writing
Many writers suffer from writer’s block, yet few understand its possible causes…
Tell the painful truth in a memoir, or why washing family laundry in public is difficult
Anyone writing a memoir must face the challenge of how to tell the painful truth of his or her story at the same time as one does not want to cause harm or pain. My latest memoir A Sugary Frosting has brought me face to face – personally – with the challenge of telling the […]
Telling the Hard Truth in Your Memoir–Are You Holding Back?
Your memoir needs to tell the truth about life—yours—and sometimes that requires exposing yourself getting “naked.” Getting to the truth in memoir is not about being cruel but about adding meaning and depth to your life story.
Do not waffle in telling the truth
Certainly, the memoir writer has permission “not to waffle,” but there is more that is incumbent on the writer. S/he has the obligation not to waffle. As memoir writers, “not to waffle” means to tell our truth about what happened. This is a must. Over the years, I have been amazed at how I can […]
Writing About Family Stories You Don’t Agree With
How do you write about family stories whose interpretation you don’t agree with? We may all have family stories that we feel are wrongly told. When you distort your insights in order not to contradict other people’s take on your story—to “make nice,” your readers will sense that something is wrong.