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When writing the story of my life, I didn’t let anyone else hold the pen For the past eight months, I have been writing my lifestory. As a professional personal historian, I believe in practicing what I preach to those in my lifestory writing workshops. I have even gone as far as hiring an editor to help me. There is nothing quite like being accountable to another person. I firmly believe that everyone has a story worth telling. I’d like to share with you my motivation and exactly why I decided to get busy preserving my own story.

A valuable resource to remember the past more accurately when writing the story of my life

I possess 523 personal and heartfelt letters that were written over a span of thirty-nine years – precious letters written between my grandmother and myself. My dear grandmother was more like my mother and our relationship was a very close one. As I thought more about writing my lifestory, I wondered “how can I use these insightful letters to help me tell my story.” It seemed to me as if each one of these 523 letters were calling out to me. (Writing the story of my life, I found these proved invaluable.) A great many of the letters were written during the time I lived overseas with my husband, an Information Officer working for the Central Intelligence Agency. Together, we lived in six foreign countries from 1976 through 1992 making eighteen moves during that time. (more…)

I live in the area (Lewiston, Maine) where my great-grandparents, my grandparents and parents—and now me—spent their lives, and I am also an amateur historian of this region. When I was asked to speak at a library lunchtime program several years ago about history and memoir writing, I chose as my topic : “Lewiston’s Buildings Tell Our Stories.” The following is a brief overview of what I shared with my audience—which now includes become you!

Exploring History and Memoir Writing

This was an industrial city in the 19th century with a Protestant Anglo-American ruling/mill ownership class and an underclass of Catholic Franco-Canadian-American and Irish-American mill workers. I asked the library audience if they had noticed how the older funeral homes in town were in large, distinguished houses. Of course, they had, but most people had not asked themselves what was the history of these homes was. What did homes of such stature on the edges of the tenement district imply/signify? (more…)

Recently, someone asked me what are the biggest barriers memoir writers face to being successful. Three tips that will keep you writing came to mind right away. Below, I write about them and offer suggestions for eliminating these barriers.

1. Writers often put off writing a good memoir in favor of struggling unsuccessfully to create a perfect one. This is insidious because no one says they are putting off writing a good memoir in favor of a perfect one. Instead they say, “I want my story to be meaningful” or “I want to be sure I have something to say” or “I don’t want to bore my readers.”

No one wants a boring memoir or a meaningless one. Most writers I’ve worked with do have it in them to turn out a memoir that can appeal to its audience. It may not be a perfect memoir but it can be a good one. Keep in mind that perfect is the enemy of good. (more…)

If dialog is an essential part of every memoir—and of course it is, then why not make it effective—make it say what needs to be said—and interesting—so that it also keeps the reader reading. Write better dialog.

Dialog performs several functions that make your story appealing and meaningful.

Every memoir ought to have some dialog so why not write better dialog.

I am going to start off with offering you some reasons for including dialog in your memoir—to shore up my insisting every memoir ought to include dialog.

Reason #1. Dialog allows the reader to hear the character speak for himself or herself.

For instance, if your character was a person who was frequently on the defense about his behavior, you could quote him saying:”

  • “I know it didn’t look good,” my uncle Victor replied in his timid voice, “but it wasn’t me who did it.”

Reason #2. Dialog is an opportunity to use regionalisms and particularities of speech that distinguish your characters and portray them to your readers.

(more…)
In this video, Work With or Through Pain: Writing Painful Memories, I talk about writing through painful memories. Pain is often a barrier to memoir writing. Who wants to revisit difficult times? Although delving into the past is a generally pleasant experience and promotes healing and growth, it can also be painful. In fact, sooner or later, pain seems to come with memoir writing. This pain if not handled well, can inhibit—and even stop—you from continuing with your writing. Sometimes painful memories (poverty, childhood humiliation, abuse, abandonment, addiction, etc.) you had “forgotten” will resurface. Or, you may be unwilling to (more…)

While many of the people whom I have helped to write a memoir have come ostensibly to write about their lives – to celebrate some achievement, I would say that many of these people are also writing a mission-driven memoir, a theme-focused memoir.

Behind the desire to tell about their lives, there is some intent to promote a point of view. This comes under many guises. Generally, of course, this point of view is called “theme.”

The theme-focused memoir is the most common model.

Writing a manuscript only of one’s experience—the dates, the facts, the activities—may often not enough to entice the reader—at least, it will not interest the reader who is not family and friends. (more…)

From my own memoir-writing experience and from witnessing memoir writers I have coached, taught and edited, I have found it useful to work with a subcategory of fear as a writing block. This subcategory is, of course, fear of insignificance. Many of us have been silenced by the FEAR OF INSIGNIFICANCE. I have myself and I am fairly sure you have also been on occasion.

If you are writing only for family and friends, you need not fret about your story being insignificant. Your audience will appreciate your memoir. However, if you are writing for a larger audience, fear of insignificance can paralyze you.

(more…)

In this third interview, Denise Brown continues to share her experience of writing Transcending Darkness: A Memoir of Abuse and Grace. This is a startling tale of a neglected child —of an entirely neglected family. To read Part 1, click here. For Part 2, click here. —DL

 

DL: How do you recommend people deal with sensitive material that relatives might take offense at?

DB: Believe it or not, I still have not told my parents that I wrote a memoir. Having been a neglected child, I have very limited communication with them and have not felt the need to bring it up to them. I’m not worried about them stumbling upon it. They are late in life, and my father doesn’t read anyway.

However, two years before publication, I sent a copy to all of my sisters, each of whom had also been a neglected child and who are written about at length. I asked them to read it and to give me comments on what they thought and to make sure that I didn’t have any of the events in our lives misinterpreted or misremembered. All of them were very supportive and they had some very helpful comments. I changed everyone’s names in the book except for my own. 

Each of us who publishes a memoir has to figure out what is appropriate for each family member. It is very dependent on each person’s circumstances. My one piece of advice is to tell the truth in your memoir, not a bitter truth but the hard truth. That is where a sympathetic family member comes in so that they can let you know if it is your hurt and anger about being a neglected child speaking or if your story is an accurate depiction of the events. Don’t outright call someone bad, describe the actions that made them so and let the reader decide.

DL: Did you envision yourself as a writer before you begin this book? What is your identity as a writer now?

(more…)

We continue our interview with Denise Brown about writing and publishing her book, Transcending Darkness: A Memoir of Abuse and Grace. Hers is a heroic story of overcoming trauma. To read part 1, click here. To read Part 3, click here. —DL

DL: You must have had periods of time in which you were discouraged or, at least, less enthusiastic. Can you tell us about how you kept yourself going? What worked for you?

DB: When I ran into times when I was frazzled by other things going on in my life and didn’t feel the energy to work on my memoir and deal once again with overcoming trauma, I reverted to my minimum goal of one hour per week. I made myself stick to that even if it was 20 minutes over three separate days to keep even the smallest amount of momentum going. Metaphorically speaking, I wasn’t running a marathon; I was hiking the Appalachian Trail and some months were very slow, but I always stuck to my bare minimum goal.

(more…)
Writing the Story of My Life

Holding the Pen—Writing the Story of My Life

By

When writing the story of my life, I didn’t let anyone else hold the pen For the past eight months, I have been writing my lifestory. As a professional personal historian, I believe in practicing what I preach to those in my lifestory writing workshops. I have even gone as far as hiring an editor […]

history and memoir writing

History And Memoir Writing

By

I live in the area (Lewiston, Maine) where my great-grandparents, my grandparents and parents–and now me–spent their lives, and I am also an amateur historian of this region. When I was asked to speak at a library lunchtime program several years ago, I chose a topic similar to Linda Myers’ topic: Lewiston’s Buildings Tell Our […]

Keep writing on your memoir

Three Tips That Will Keep You Writing

By

Recently, someone asked me what are the biggest barriers memoir writers face to being successful. Three tips that will keep you writing came to mind right away. Below, I write about them and offer suggestions for eliminating these barriers. 1. Writers often put off writing a good memoir in favor of struggling unsuccessfully to create […]

better dialog

10 Tips to Write Better Dialog—Make it More Effective and Interesting

By

If dialog is an essential part of every memoir—and of course it is, then why not make it effective—make it say what needs to be said—and interesting—so that it also keeps the reader reading. Write better dialog. Dialog performs several functions that make your story appealing and meaningful. Every memoir ought to have some dialog […]

work with and through pain

Work With or Through Pain: Writing Painful Memories

By

In this video, Work With or Through Pain: Writing Through Painful Memories, I talk about writing through painful memories. Pain is often a barrier to memoir writing. Who wants to revisit difficult times? Although delving into the past is a generally pleasant experience and promotes healing and growth, it can also be painful. (more…)

theme-focused memoir

The Theme-focused Memoir

By

While many of the people whom I have helped to write a memoir have come ostensibly to write about their lives – to celebrate some achievement, I would say that many of these people are also writing a mission-driven memoir, a theme-focused memoir. Behind the desire to tell about their lives, there is some intent […]

Fear of Insignificance

Is Your Memoir Silenced by the Fear of Insignificance?

By

Fear of insignificance may be a BIG writer’s block From my own memoir-writing experience and from witnessing the creation experience of memoir writers I have coached, I have found it useful to work with a subcategory of fear as a writing block. Many of us have been silenced by the FEAR OF INSIGNIFICANCE. (more…)

surviving childhood abuse

Surviving Childhood Abuse: a Neglected Child – Part 3

By

In this third interview, Denise Brown continues to share her experience of writing Transcending Darkness: A Memoir of Abuse and Grace. This is a startling tale of a neglected child —of an entirely neglected family. To read Part 1, click here. For Part 2, click here. —DL   DL: How do you recommend people deal […]

surviving childhood abuse

Surviving Childhood Abuse: Overcoming Trauma- Part 2

By

We continue our interview with Denise Brown about writing and publishing her book, Transcending Darkness: A Memoir of Abuse and Grace. Hers is a heroic story of overcoming trauma. To read part 1, click here. To read Part 3, click here. —DL DL: You must have had periods of time in which you were discouraged […]