How to write feelings into your memoir is a rather important topic. Recently on the Forum, David wrote about not accessing the feeling side of his memories, of writing a memoir that, if I am understanding him right, was all details and facts. Below is my response which can serve as a stand alone article, […]

Recently, David asked in an email about “writing feelings into your memoir,” about writing a memoir that, if I am understanding him right, is not all details and facts.

Below is my response which can serve as a stand-alone article to help you write your own memoir.

Leave a comment below expressing your experience of writing feelings into your memoir.
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Here are some of my suggestions for writing feelings into your memoir:

If I were coaching you, I would frequently ask you: “How did that feel?” or “How does that make you feel now to remember that?” It may be that you are out of the habit of reflecting on your feelings. It may also be that you learned not to pay attention to your feelings—at least certain ones of them—and you now have to relearn to notice feelings. So, all the time be asking yourself  “How did that feel?” or “How does that make me feel now to remember that?”

A Fiction-to-Memoir Exercise

Take a scene from your life and write it up as fiction. [Remember: This is only an exercise and the writing that will result will not be part of your memoir. I am not suggesting you fictionalize your memoir only that you use this fiction technique to relearn how to write feelings into your memoir.] Attribute feelings to your fictional characters who are living a scene from your life. Make the feelings up. Make the characters respond in a way that you wish you or they had responded. Ramp the charcater’s feelings and their reactions up a bit.

Once, you feel the feelings that come up, it is not important to finish the fictional story. Uncovering your feelings is your goal. (But, if you like the story, by all means finish it.) What happens here is that the unconscious is “tricked” into releasing memories that contain feelings. Remember: the role of the unconscious is to keep memories unconscious. You have to trick it to reveal its content.

Do visualizations.

Project yourself back at the time of a negative experience and relive it. Remind your younger self that you are there with him as an adult. Let yourself experience the feelings that come up. Remind the boy that he is safe. Again the unconscious is “tricked” and you may just get to writing feelings into your memoir.

Details

Use details. I do not mean a plethora of details—for instance, everything that might have been in the kitchen when you were 14. I do not mean for you to choose details as a social historian might, or a museologist. I mean for you to use details that conjure feelings for the reader. Your step-father’s character, for instance, needs to be portrayed in the details you select to describe his actions or the setting the reader will find him in. You might portray him patiently showing you how to tie your shoes and hugging you once you succeeded. This scene would be imbued with feelings naturally.

In Conclusion: Writing Feelings into Your Memoir.

You will find that over time you will find writing feelings into your memoir to be easier. Feelings can be incorporated over time as you do second and third drafts. Think of memoir as layered writing which can be added to.

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